I'm reading The Tao of Pooh, in which Benjamin Hoff uses the Winnie the Pooh stories to exemplify philosophical principles. And I'm reading Charlotte Mason's second volume, Parents and Children, which is a collection of articles she wrote for the parents' magazine her organization published.
Tonight my Tao of Pooh reading came from chapter 4, "Cottleston Pie." One of the points of this chapter is that dealing with things As They Are is better than pretending things are Something They Are Not. Tigger comes up a lot. Hoff reminds us of Rabbit's plan to Unbounce Tigger. The plan failed, and one of Tigger's positive traits became obvious: he doesn't get lost. Tigger's bounciness distracted everyone, maybe even himself, from noticing his talents. And when Rabbit finally wins and forces Tigger to promise not to bounce, Tigger's whole character changes, and not for the better. Everyone misses the old cheery, bouncy Tigger, even if the bounciness seemed overwhelming.
Maybe as parents we tend to be Rabbit, wanting to "unbounce" our children. Maybe we can't see their talents because we're distracted by the annoying bouncing. Maybe our children can't see their talents either. Maybe we're trying so hard to "unbounce" them that we're taking away part of what makes them special and overlooking more important potential. "For within the Ugly Duckling is the Swan, inside the Bouncy Tigger is the Rescuer who knows the Way, and in each of us is something Special, and that we need to keep." (p. 65)
Last month our Coffee with Charlotte group read and discussed
chapter 16 in Volume 2, "Discipline: A Consideration for Parents." One
of the last points in that chapter focused on the necessity of seeing
the child as a person, whose good qualities sometimes show up in
negative ways. Many negative traits or behaviors stem from some
characteristic that could be a positive trait if directed appropriately,
and the job of the parent is to diligently help the child redirect
until the positive direction is habitual. "As the bad habit usually
arises from the defect of some quality in the child it should not be
difficult for the parent who knows his child's character to introduce
the contrary good habit." (p. 175)
What if instead of trying to make our children fit into our vision of Who They Should Be we instead considered Who They Are and thought about how to help them become even better at that?