More than Habit

Charlotte Mason's first volume, Home Education, emphasizes the importance of habits in making our lives run smoothly.  We all operate on lines of habit, either good or bad habits; most choices we make are not made consciously but are made habitually.

We are all mere creatures of habit. We think our accustomed thoughts, make our usual small talk, go through the trivial round, the common task, without any self-determining effort of will at all. If it were not so––if we had to think, to deliberate, about each operation of the bath or the table––life would not be worth having; the perpetually repeated effort of decision would wear us out.  Volume 1, p. 110

 Modern neuroscience actually supports this idea, calling the "ruts" of Ms. Mason's terminology "neurological pathways" instead.

Reading Volume 1, with its emphasis on formation of solid habits, it is easy to lose site of another part of Ms. Mason's philosophy.  Habits were a useful tool, in her estimation, and at the time of the writing of Volume 1 she had high hopes that careful training in positive habits could initiate great societal change.  (By the time of the writing of Volume 6 she had begun to question the usefulness of habit training, although some of her doubts have been refuted by modern science.)  But even at the zenith of her enthusiasm for habits, still more important to her was a respect to the personhood of the child.

Volume 1 does not begin with a paen to habits.  First, Ms. Mason lays out our parental responsibility to our children.  She even calls children "public trusts," but she does not mean, as some do today, that parents have no authority over their children.  She means that parents have a duty to raise their children to be a benefit to the world around them.

Now, that work which is of most importance to society is the bringing up and instruction of the children––in the school, certainly, but far more in the home, because it is more than anything else the home influences brought to bear upon the child that determine the character and career of the future man or woman. It is a great thing to be a parent: there is no promotion, no dignity, to compare with it. The parents of but one child may be cherishing what shall prove a blessing to the world.  Volume 1, p. 1

 Therefore, she asserts, parents must learn what they can about the most effective ways of raising children, so that their efforts will produce the best possible results.

Once the importance of the role of the parents is established, Ms. Mason moves toward identifying the nature of the child, looking specifically at what Jesus says about children in the gospels. 

It may surprise parents who have not given much attention to the subject to discover also a code of education in the Gospels, expressly laid down by Christ. It is summed up in three commandments, and all three have a negative character, as if the chief thing required of grown-up people is that they should do no sort of injury to the children: Take heed that ye OFFEND not––DESPISE not––HINDER not––one of these little ones.  Volume 1, p. 12

 I do not intend here to go into detail analyzing these biblical statements or Ms. Mason's analysis of them, although that would be a worthwhile enterprise.  The point I wish to make is that, even when most hopeful for the benefits of habit training, that training was not Ms. Mason's primary, first focus.  The respect for the personhood of the child and the responsibility of parents towards him received her first attention, as it should receive ours.

Getting Started Laying Down the Rails

I did not write this post; it is not about my own family.  I thought this might inspire some of you, so I requested permission to reprint this since the author did not at the time have a blog of her own. This post is reprinted with permission from a Year 0 post by Sarah in AR.

 One day, I was referring to a parenting book for advice b/c I'd been noticing my children's behaviour and obedience weren't what I thought they should be. As I was reading, they included the scripture Prov 29:15, "a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame." Somehow, that verse pricked my heart, as I realized how often I was telling my kids "Just go play while I get my housework done," and then feeling guilty b/c there never seemed enough time left over to work on forming habits or teaching them how to do helpful things around the house..... Well, here was the answer! I was "leaving them to themselves" too often, while *I* tried to do everything myself! As I looked at the answer in the Word, I saw that I should just keep them alongside me while I did my chores, which provided the most suitable time to teach them those things I previously didn't have time for! So from then on, I rearranged my day to include them in helping me every morning, as we clear the dishes from breakfast, empty the dishwasher,  and one wipes the table and sweeps under it, while the other helps me wash the dishes. I'm also working on getting them in the habit of making their beds, getting dressed, brushing their teeth, and fixing their hair after we finish the kitchen (when they are older, they will do that before breakfast, but for now I don't want them getting food all over their clean clothes first thing in the morning lol!).  We also pray together first thing every day, as I thought it would be a valuable habit to serve them well for the rest of their lives!

Of course, the very most important habit to start with, if it isn't already there, is the habit of obedience. This is most easily taught if it is started when they are a baby, big enough to get into things they oughtn't. You tell them "no," and then you must follow through in not allowing them to do whatever it is, every. single. time. When starting new habits, you must choose what you feel is the most urgent to start with, then have a little talk with them (at a non-emotional time, as in, when they are getting in trouble, you don't give them a lecture about how expectations will be different from now on). You get them when they are happy, and just let them know what it is you want to work on, what will be expected, and that you have confidence in them to do it. Then you work on it with them, only giving gentle reminders to help them stay on track. It usually takes several weeks of effort to get a new habit down, and will need occasional work thereafter to be sure it stays in place. After you feel they have the first habit established, then you can add another one of the next most importance, and so on. It does take effort on your part to make sure the new habit is followed through every time, or it won't fall into place, so you may want to give yourself a little more time on the first ones, as you make a habit of habit-training!

What is a Charlotte Mason Education? Preschool Edition

When my oldest was 3, I told a group of older homeschooling moms that we were going to have a CM homeschool. They laughed at me! They told me I'd soon give it up because it would be too hard, primarily because at the time there was not a curriculum available (or at least not well known) that used CM's methods. *Now* we run into a different problem--there are so many choices that it becomes confusing. What *is* a CM education?

It's hard to find out what a CM education means, these days, because the idea of it has become fairly popular and lots of curricula, websites, blogs, etc. have picked up on key CM terms and may even call what they're doing CM, but aren't necessarily actually following Charlotte Mason's methods.

Also, a CM education changes dramatically over your child's life. In other words, what it looks like in preschool is very different from what it looks like in high school, and there are a couple of shifts in between as well.

During the preschool years, you focus on just a couple of areas:

* developing a love of nature by helping your child to interact with nature and observe it first hand. This builds a variety of skills in a developmentally appropriate way: fine motor skills, large motor skills, attention, observation, visualizing (making a mental picture of what you have seen, which is needed for reading and spelling), visual and auditory memory, and probably others I'm not thinking of. You could buy a workbook, or a whole curriculum, to work on these skills, but God designed the natural world to develop them in just the right way at just the right times.

* developing key habits that will help your home and school to operate smoothly. Choose one habit to form at a time and work on it for a month to six weeks. Once it's ingrained, don't neglect to maintain it even after you begin working on another. This will benefit your child throughout life because these habits will be second-nature and he will not have to even choose these positive paths.

Beyond that, just including your child in your normal activities (cooking, cleaning, working in the yard, etc.) actually develops the foundations for school much better than any worksheets or packaged activities. I sometimes use worksheets or packaged activities, but I do it because the kids find them fun, not because I feel the need to include them in our preschool. I used to use Montessori activities, until I read CM and realized that I could accomplish the same goals more meaningfully through everyday life experiences if I just intentionally aimed at those goals.

A Charlotte Mason education during the preschool years has more facets than just these, but this is a good place to start. Once you've begun to work on these areas, read Volume 1 and Volume 2, preferably with a group committed to understanding CM's principles. Choose one area to work on at a time, for yourself, and begin to add in more of the elements of a CM education little by little.

The Philosopher at Home

Charlotte Mason's Volume 5, Part I, 1

Although we do not know how old Guy is, it seems clear he is at least 5. The age is somewhat important, since what can be expected of a 5 year old is quite different than what one would expect from a 3 year old, and the
treatment will be somewhat different too.  He has been throwing tantrums since he was a baby, so this is a well entrenched habit.

Guy is obviously spirited.  Notice that his temperament was clear in infancy.  Also, this:
<<Guy, very sensitive to the moral atmosphere about him, got, in Nurse's phrase, out of sorts.>>
Spirited children are the "canary in the coal mine".  They react strongly to any emotional upheaval in the home.

The parents in this account do not exactly follow Charlotte Mason's prescription for forming new habits (beginning on p. 175).  Step six on the list does not come into play here until after step nine.  This may be because CM felt it was not necessary to always follow that exact order or because this is in fact a true account and she has not changed it to fit her own recommendations.

When the need for action became clear, the first phase of treatment consisted in careful monitoring of Guy so that he could be distracted *before* he had a chance to erupt.  This was done without his knowledge. If the parents had followed CM's guidelines, they would have spoken with Guy about the issue first.

When an eruption occurred, then the course was to make him feel an estrangement from everyone with a concern for him.  However, keep in mind that this was not meant to be blackmail: "I will not speak to you until you respond in a way that pleases me."  It was more of "I cannot but feel sadness as long as you are unwilling to be sorry for your fault."  Also, his father made this stipulation:
<<"I think so, in his small degree; but he must never doubt our love. He must see and feel that it is always there, though under a cloud of sorrow which he only can break through.">>

Only after this did his father take him aside and speak to him about it.  It is clear, though, that the boy knows his behavior is out of bounds and has known this for a long time.  We may say that it isn't fair to punish the boy without advance notice.  This estrangement, however, was a natural consequence from which the boy had for too long been shielded.

After all of this, the father takes the boy aside and together they agree to a plan for dealing with his tendency to lose his composure.

This chapter, like the others in the first part of Volume 5, is not meant to be a by-the-numbers guide to habit training.  I do not believe you can list off what these parents did and then go and apply it formulaically to your own situation.  But you can see how they applied CM's principles, and perhaps that will give you some ideas for how you can apply them.

Remember that this process must be used for only one habit at a time, and that one must be pursued consistently for weeks until it is well ingrained.

Habit Training

Habit training seems daunting, so simple and yet so elusive in implementation.  I claim no expertise, but I do know a few truths about habit training.

You must choose one problem area--just one!  Focus on it like a laser.
Write it down so you don't get distracted and so you can keep track of what you've already worked on.
Name the complementary good habit you'll be developing.
Pray over it with your spouse.
Read about effective interventions.
Find appropriate scripture to meditate on and perhaps to share with your dc (but carefully).
Find good stories illustrating the contrary good habit in action if you can, but do not overemphasize the moral.  Let the story mostly speak for itself.  Also, avoid twaddly moral stories.  The story should be good in and of itself, not a story designed just to illustrate a moral.
Intervene gently, preferably BEFORE the problem occurs.  This requires vigilance.
Practice the positive behavior that will replace the negative one--make it fun!
When the negative behavior occurs, have a do-over.  Be patient and allow your dc to agree to try again.
Keep everything positive!
Acknowledge baby-steps.
Stick with it for at least six weeks, just working on this one thing.