Sacred Search

Whenever I find a copy of Gary Thomas' books Sacred Marriage or Sacred Parenting at a discount price, I buy it.  I love to give these books to other people when they are facing challenges in their marriage or their parenting.  I recently learned that he had written Sacred Search, about choosing a marriage partner, and I bought the paperback and the ebook.  I have teenagers now, and I'm always looking for excellent resources to help them transition to adulthood and the new challenges it brings.

Sacred Search tries to set the focus of the dating relationship on the purpose of the marriage relationship.  Thomas hopes that Christian marriages will become support systems for lives of ministry and training grounds for new generations of Christians who will form the same types of marriages.  From the beginning and throughout the book he reminds readers that Christian lives should be focused on the kingdom of God, and this means that Christian marriages should be focused on the kingdom of God. Therefore choosing a spouse needs to focus on that component of the relationship too.

Thomas covers much more than that, though.  He talks about the pitfalls of infatuation and how to avoid being deceived by feelings.  He discusses many other deceptions that lure people into marriages they later regret.  He suggests considering each person's expectations for the marriage relationship, giving examples of different types of expectations people have and the potential pitfalls of each one. His chapter on premarital sex wonderfully combined mercy with firm warnings backed by information.  He also explains how to develop the relationship constructively and look for common ground.

The intended audience for this book seems to be single adults, primarily.  Most of the book is suitable for older teens, and none of it is inappropriate for most older teens who are interested in pursuing serious dating relationships.  Some of the material isn't as relevant to teens, such as the advice for going out looking for a mate when options seem limited.

I am using this book with my older teen now, and I intend to have my other kids read it as they get to an appropriate age.  Sacred Search helps set the right tone for dating in an intentional way as a means for selecting a life partner who can really be a partner in walking with God.